


Hold my Hand

by SparkOfRuby



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, DenNor, HongIce, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I started at one and finished everything at like 4 haha, M/M, One Shot, SuFin, Writing Prompt, no happy endings here either, nordic family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-16 22:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11261988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparkOfRuby/pseuds/SparkOfRuby
Summary: Based off of the prompt: "Person A holds Person B's hand every night as they fall asleep. Then one day Person B gets shot and is bleeding heavily. When Person A goes to rescue them, Person B says: "Hold my hand, I'm falling asleep." Hong/Ice; Warnings for major character death, mentions of blood, and no happy endings.





	Hold my Hand

**Author's Note:**

> My friend sent me this prompt and I got really motivated to write something for it so here you go! ;v;  
> EDIT: Went back and revised some errors!

“Leon, do you ever sleep?” I turned around from my desk and saw my fiance Emil putting a slip of paper into the book he was reading before tossing it on the table next to our bed. I could tell he had been trying to stay awake with me, but I knew that eventually he’d get tired and push me into falling asleep with him. He didn’t like it when I stayed up too late because I woke up so much earlier than him. It was going on 1:00 already, so I’d have to go to bed soon anyways if I wanted to get any sleep tonight. 

“Shouldn’t you like, know that I’m practically nocturnal by now?” I teased, standing up and stretching. I could feel him roll his eyes but before he said anything I slid into my side of the bed and threw the blankets over myself. 

Putting out my arm, I waited for him to snuggle up to me like we did every night. Emil smiled- just barely- and rested his head on my shoulder. I clicked off the lamp next to me and wrapped my arm around him, intertwining our hands. It was a habit of ours to fall asleep holding hands; I’m not sure when we started doing it, but now I was so used to it that it felt weirder when we didn’t. 

Once I’d switch off the lamp he’d ask me every night to hold his hand, and I’d always do it until he fell asleep. Eventually, Emil didn’t have to ask anymore and I just did it automatically. Our friends, especially Michelle like to tease the both of us and say it was a wonder that people didn’t get cavities from looking at the two of us. Emil would always get flustered (it was so easy to make him embarrassed) but I always laughed and agreed. I like spoiling him, and I loved watching his reactions whenever I’d show up with a new surprise. I’ve always liked to be over-the-top but Emil had once mentioned that was something he loved, so I guess it’s not that bad. 

The next morning, I heard my phone alarm go off at exactly 6:00 am. I groaned and rolled out of bed, not looking forward to going to work today. Emil was lucky- he didn’t have to get up until noon since the flower shop he worked at was so close by. I got ready for the day, made myself tea and left the water in the kettle for Emil when he woke up and then headed straight out for work. It was freezing outside and I swore under my breath until I pulled out of the driveway. 

Not too long after, I pulled up into my usual parking spot at the department store and made sure to grab my name tag from the glovebox. It wasn’t the most glamorous job, put it paid pretty well and my boss, Tolys is actually quite nice. Still, I wouldn’t say I enjoyed it. As I walked in to go start his shift, I was met with said boss waiting for me near the registers. 

“Good morning, Leon!” He said happily, walking over to greet me. 

“Oh- Morning. What’s up?” I asked, confused. Usually, I never saw him outside of his office, and when I did he was almost always stressed out about something. It really felt like he needed to take a few more vacations. 

“Well, I just got a call from Feliciano, and he said he’d be a little coming today, so I was wondering if you could stay for maybe an extra hour just until he shows up?” I groaned on the inside. Going home was always the best part of my day and I’d really rather not spend more time dealing with customers than I have to, but I didn’t want to tell him no either. 

“Sure, that’s fine,” I said cheerily. He smiled and thanked me, throwing in a comment saying how he could ’always count on me’. I just nodded and waved as he walked away before continuing on with the rest of my morning. 

During lunch, I decided to call Emil quickly and let him know that I was going to be home later than usual. I waited for him to pick up, but after a minute of ringing, it sent me to voicemail. Normally, he’d pick up right away but I just assumed he was in the shower and would call me back when he got out. I left him a quick message and hung up, switching to playing a game for the rest of my break. 

Just as I slipped my phone back into my pocket and stood up, I felt it ring and I quickly sat back down and pulled it out. Instead of Emil’s contact, it was Ivan’s- Emil’s co-worker. We didn’t talk much but he was nice, and the three of us would sometimes go get coffee together or meet up somewhere in town. Curious, I answered. 

“Hello?”

“Hello Leon,” he said, sounding a little bit annoyed, “Do you know where Emil is? He hasn’t come in yet and I have to go pretty soon,” That was strange. Emil never skipped out on going to work without calling in first. 

“No? I tried calling him a little while ago, but he didn’t pick up so I assumed he was like, just getting ready for work or something,” I replied. 

“Ok, well if you talk to him tell him that his boss isn’t very happy,”

“Um, ok? I’ll let him know,” And with that, I hung up even more confused. I tried to call Emil one more time, but the same thing happened. I didn’t bother to leave a voicemail this time, but I was starting to get worried. Something didn’t feel right. I ended up asking Tolys to leave early, saying there was kind of a surprise that came up and I had to leave. He said it was fine, but I could tell he was somewhat annoyed at having to find someone to fill my spot and Feliciano’s. 

I left quickly and threw my things into the driver’s side before heading home. As I sat waiting for a traffic light, I started to get more worried. I really hoped nothing bad happened. I immediately shook that thought from my head. It was most likely he forgot to set his alarm, and he was still asleep not knowing he was later for work; He could sleep through the entire day if he wanted and not wake up once. Then I’d get home and yell at him for making me worried enough to leave work early and I’d drag him out bed. 

I didn’t feel nervous anymore as I pulled up to our house, ready to scold him for forgetting to wake up. Walking up to the front door, I pulled out my keys from my pockets and stuck them in the lock, before realising that the door was already unlocked. I got more uneasy. Emil wouldn’t have the door unlocked if he left, but if he’d forgotten to set an alarm and didn’t wake up, it should’ve been still locked from when I left. I turned the knob and pushed open the door, shocked. 

Right away I could see the living room, things obviously missing from the mantle. I’d kept a line of china plates my dad had sent me after I’d moved in with Emil, but now the entire thing was empty. I looked around the kitchen and noticed that there was plenty missing from there, too. “Emil!” I called out, panic rising up inside me. For a second I didn’t hear anything, but then the sound of some kind of noise coming upstairs caused me to dash up, almost making myself fall. 

The very first place I went to was the bedroom. I could see the door was cracked and light from inside was shining on the wall across it. I swung the door open, looking inside. My desk was lying on its side, everything I’d stacked on it splayed across the floor. The lamp was shattered and the glass pieces stuck out from the carpet, the ripped out drawers from the tables thrown on the still messy bed. 

But it was the blood that made me scream. There was blood splattered on the wall, some of it leaving tracks and running into the fabric of the carpet below. There was blood covering Emil’s face and arm, his hand pressed to the side of his head as he breathed heavily on the carpet. I slid down next to him, not hearing the words I was saying, but just feeling my mouth moving as I tried to figure out what to do. When the initial shock wore out, I started to cry and comfort him as I grabbed my phone to call the police. 

“It’s fine, It’s fine, you’ll be fine and we’ll figure out what happened and it’s gonna be okay,” I repeated. I didn’t know if I was comforting him or me more. Finally, I heard the voice of an operator on the other end. 

“911, what’s your emergency?” She asked, waiting for a response.

“It’s-It’s my fiance, I walked in and there’s blood everywhere and he’s covering his head; I don’t know what happened but he can’t breathe and there are blood splatters everywhere-”

“Okay, sir. Can you slow down a bit for me? What’s your address?”

“3572 Colorado Avenue,” I answered shakily, still looking at Emil as he kept his eyes squeezed shut and a hand clamped to his skull. I felt my chest tighten, but I tried to stay as calm as I could and let out short, shallow breaths. 

“Alright, we have officers on the way,” She said after a moment of silence. ’Thank God, okay, someone’s coming’ I thought, glancing out of the bedroom window for one second. “Can you tell me what’s going on one more time?”

“Okay, um, there’s blood- on the wall, and uh, m-my fiance’s here and he’s hurt. He’s covering his head, and he can’t talk,” I said, slower this time. She asked a few more questions and I did my best to answer them all. Finally, I heard a soft voice. 

“Leon,” I heard Emil say, his eyes opening for the first time since I got home. My heart stopped in my chest and I dropped the phone on the ground, scooting myself closer to him. 

“It’s okay baby, I got people on the way right now and you’re gonna be fine,” I told him, combing through his hair with my fingers. He closed his eyes again and turned his head a slight bit so it made it easier for me to comfort him. A few minutes later he opened his eyes again and opened up the hand that wasn’t over his head. 

“You want me to hold your hand?” I asked softly, feeling more tears welling up.

“Yeah,” Emil replied softly, squeezing my hand when I laced our fingers together. 

“You’re gonna be fine,” I told him one more time, starting to hear the sirens getting closer. 

“’M not,” he said, and I squeezed him tighter.

“It’s okay I can hear the sirens right now just a couple more minutes and it’s all gonna be fine,”

“Leon, I’m falling asleep,” Emil slurred, closing his eyes again. 

“No no no no no,” I almost yelled out, leaning over to kiss his cheek. I could taste the metallic flavour of blood but I didn’t really process any of it. There was a crash from downstairs and then the loud thumping of footsteps coming up the stairs. It happened in a blur: Two police officers led me away while paramedics rolled Emil onto a stretcher and carried him out. They said they’d let me see him in a little bit, but they had to ask me some questions first. I just nodded without really thinking about it. 

I wasn’t allowed to go to the hospital and see Emil until a day later. When I walked in, there was a doctor waiting for me outside of his room. He looked kind, but his expression looked forced. He greeted me in a soft tone. 

“Mr Steilsson? I’m Doctor Matthew Kirkland,” He said, reaching out to shake my hand. I did, but not with much effort. “I wanted to let you know a few things before we let you in, I’m not sure how much you were told over the phone,” Matthew told him, in a more serious tone. 

“All I know is that he’s in critical condition,” I replied, trying to keep my voice from wavering. 

He nodded curtly. “Well, we know that he had a pretty severe bullet wound- that was most likely why he was covering his head. We managed to take it out, but a few hours later he became unresponsive, and needed to be put on life support.” The doctor said in a slow and gentle voice. 

Oh. 

I looked at him, not sure if I heard him correctly. Emil was shot- in the head- and was now on life support. And he said it so calmly like he was explaining something to a little kid. Anger and fear and sadness flared up all at once and I started to shake. Matthew put a hand on my shoulder and asked if I still wanted to see him. 

“Of course,” I choked out, and then I let the doctor lead me inside. There were already other people in there, who all turned to look at me with tired, sad eyes. I recognised his brother, Lukas right away. His eyes were red and cheek streaky from crying. His boyfriend Mathias was standing behind him, trying to comfort him. Emil’s adopted parents Berwald and Tino mustered up weak smiles when they saw me, but they quickly faded. 

They gave me a seat right next to him, by the bed. There were so many machines and tubes hooked up to him, all trying to keep him alive and breathing. His head was bandaged up, and there were rolls of clean gauze on the cart on the other side of the room. Emil’s heart monitor made a steady beeping noise, the only sound in the room as we all sat in silence. 

I wasn’t really sure when Dr Kirkland had left, or how long it was until he came back, but when I heard the door open all of our heads snapped back at him. It didn’t look like good news from his expression. 

“I’m sorry to intrude on you but I have a few things that you all need to know,” The air grew tense, none of us wanted to listen to him. But we did, because we had to, and I didn’t want to show it but I really did want to know what he was going to say. 

“We’ve done a few tests and although we got the bullet out, there were some serious complications still.” We knew that, but I didn’t want to be reminded again. My eyes burned and my head ached from clenching and unclenching my jaw. “We don’t think that there’s anything we can really do for Emil at this point. There’s a slim chance that he’d be able to wake up, and if he did there’d be severe brain damage,” he informed them, trying not to meet any of our gazes. 

My heart sunk to the bottom of my stomach and I could hear the sobs catching in the back of Tino’s throat as he silently started to cry. Berwald, tears running down his own face wrapped his arms around him and pulled Tino closer in. Mathias did the exact same to Lukas. I just sat there and waited for the doctor to go on. 

Dr Kirkland sighed heavily and bit his lip before speaking again. “We decided it was best to leave the decision up to the family about whether or not to continue his life support. We’re not rushing you into any answer, but we want to let you know that we’ll do whatever you decide. I’m so sorry, for all of you, and I really do wish that there was something else we could do for him,” At that moment I heard Tino burst into sobs, and Berwald doing his best to reassure him as he started to cry himself. 

I sat there in shock, watching Matthew leave, feeling hot tears run down my face and into my mouth and onto my shirt. It was all so surreal to me, having held and kissed and slept with Emil two days ago and now having to sit by him as his family made the choice of letting him go or keeping him on life support for most likely, forever. Or as long as they could. Mathias came up to me, mumbling something about giving me a moment alone. It had just really hit me that I wasn’t even allowed to be in the room when they made the choice. 

After everyone had left, I sat there talking to Emil, telling him about everything from his family to the calls from Ivan and Tolys and Michelle and everybody to finally just telling him how much I loved him. How amazing he was. Of course, Emil didn’t move, and I knew there was no way could hear me, or even tell that I was there at all. I reached over and grabbed his hand, hoping that maybe there would be some reaction from him. I didn’t know why I was so disappointed when there wasn’t, It’s not like I could somehow magically fix anything. 

Throughout the day his family and I just sat there, mostly in silence with Emil. Sometimes we would talk for a little bit, but it didn’t last long. Nobody wanted to talk or share stories, or do anything. We all just wanted to be there and ignore the question looming over all of us. Finally, later that night everybody had made the final decision. 

There was no use trying to bring Emil back because even he did wake up it’d mean him suffering drastic problems for the rest of his life. None of us wanted to have him be in pain, but it wasn’t any easier to say “we want to take him off of the support”. I wasn’t really mentally there for most of it, but I remember getting home and going straight to the couch in tears. Everybody had heard, and I was getting nearly non-stop messages from people telling me how sorry they were. How devastating it was. I ended up falling asleep in the living room for a few hours because I couldn’t even think about going upstairs. 

A few weeks later I sold the house and found an apartment a few miles away. I asked to use my vacation days to take the next week off. Tolys tried to tell me it was okay, and I could take it off anyways, but I said no. In the end, he convinced me not to come in, and I hated how nice he was then because I had planned to help distract myself with working. Not long after that was Emil’s funeral. Lots of people came, most of them I’d never met before. I had to skip going back to Berwald and Tino’s after because I had to go to the police station. They were still trying to figure out who committed the crime, and they said I could provide the most help, even though I barely knew anything. 

I didn’t get home until late that night. I left my things by the door and went into my bedroom where I plopped down at the stationary desk I bought when I moved and started to go through the boxes of things I needed to put away. I didn’t get through everything until almost 1:00, and my back hurt from being hunched over for so long. I stood up and stretched before slipping into my bed and turning off the lamp. The dim glow of the TV that I’d left on still illuminated the room but I didn’t notice it as my eyelids started to get too heavy to keep open, and I eventually drifted off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> It turned way longer than I expected it to but hey I don't mind. I've been cranking out a lot of angst recently so sorry if I keep hitting everyone right in the feels ^^''. There's more angst on the way so watch out >:3c  
> Thanks for reading!


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